12 years ago I BECAME Vikki-Marie Gaynor and I remember it like it was yesterday. I came home from a Night shift Driving LGV.
I sat down at my computer and looked up ‘Official Name Change’ and how to do it.
OMG What a rush, I was going to be ME!
I have to explain, I am a Trans Lady and today 02-02-2019 is my 12th Re-Birthday and I wonder how my life went all the way to hell and back to my present reality in such a short space of time.
I was one of the first people to bring a case UNDER THIS LAW. The Gender Recognition act came in to being in 2005 and so I had a few protections. However, no one had tested the degree of its scope.
TIME TO TEST IT!
DHL and Blue arrow were found Guilty of Sexual Discrimination and for “HURTING MY FEELINGS” which is now something that I smile at. This was not always the feelings I had for this part of my life.
Nut shell Version:
I worked for approx. 6 months,
5 Days a week
2 Weeks after my Transition 0 Days work being offered, I was asked to train my replacement and problems began to appear at interviews:
“Oh your that Vikki-Marie Gaynor… Sorry the job is gone”
This was one of my favourites.
It took over 4 years to find a proper job with an amazing company who trained me up to be a Driver Assessor. This modest qualification ignited a desire to help people to drive better, as to be honest I have confidence in my ability to teach which I had done in many other guises.
With time I got my teaching qualification and set about becoming a Driver Trainer now I just had to keep looking. As it happens I had mentioned my training desire to an agency when I registered with them, they called me with a job they thought I might be interested in.
To be blunt the rest is history, I have been a Driver Trainer with a brilliant employer who took the time and effort to mould my skills and brought me up to a driving standard that meant I could pass this onto others INCLUDING the M.O.D., Army and Airforce, We had a brilliant life with some great Colleagues and the Candidates kept us all in stitches as we improved and honed our training methods, for this I will be eternally grateful.
I will never claim to be the best driver in the world. However, I am very good and I have the ability and a vast amount of experience to pass onto other people who want to become Truckers, GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL.
I have watched the Trans community grow from strength to strength with the help and skills of MANY Trans Activists and the many friends that we have working with our community to grow and EDUCATE about all thing Trans Related.
We Gained independence of cause after many of us voiced opinions about the inclusion of T with the wonderful friends of the LGB community as when you discuss Transgender it does not have the inclusion of sexual orientation and many of us started a movement to move us alongside our brothers, Sisters and Friends of the LGB which has in recent years took on a life of its own.
The Trans community has it leaders and head liners, The irrefutable Jake and Hannah Graf “King and Queen of the Media image of Transgender” this is a TAG they work tirelessly to promote and bring Trans into the conversation on grounds of a reasonable knowledge, combined with the wonderful Fox and Owl who do so much for us all by the promotion and education of the Media (My Gendernation) on the growing community of Gender Questioning and Trans in ALL its many guises which are vast and powerful,
IN hindsight I think I might have been gender fluid if this was even a thing when I was growing, as I was very conscious of wanting to be female but with no illusion of the fact that I was a BIG framed lady, IF I had kept that body and lifestyle I would have incorporated a lot of genderless traits to my life, Name change, Taking hormones to help with body shape, (Chocolate and Pizza for the fat bits,)
I feel that the Gender fluid community are so in touch with something I ONLY ever call ME,,, I became very aware of this part of my life and I fought with all my strength to BECOME ME !!!
I am that person. I have that life and with that I am proud, and yet I hold painful memories of this journey that started that fateful day in 2007 when I became ME in public for the first time 24/7, YEP that it,, ALL done,,
OMG what have I done???
I wanted to be a female Truck Driver and because of the hate and mistrust I was thrust into the media circus, The Transsexual Trucker was my mantle and for this my life began to evolve, with my rapid labelling of NEWSWORTHY I was not ready for the silly side of media attention, my name was shouted in the street and with that I created a business telling companies and 3rd sector groups how to work alongside the Trans community and this would always include love for all the LGB, I went on committees, steering groups, panels, and any other group that could influence the treatment of the Trans community within the public eye.
Inclusion was becoming a subject on many peoples lips and conversations on social media which was in its booming time,,, 2010 + we got chat groups, support groups and legal forums and where was I during this ,, HELD up in my own house with a massive fear of leaving the house or engaging the general public and this Was caused by the Transphobic treatment of Merseyside police as one of its officers took it upon himself to deal with this Trans lady in a manner that I believed was illegal and YET here I was being carried out of my own house by 4 officers in to a cul-de-sac of 13 houses with 6 police cars and 3 mini bus type carriers vans all to deal with the trans lady who had Originally Called them to REPORT A BURGLRY, and as Thanks I was dragged from my home because I asked for 24 hours to seek legal advice on whether I was legally obliged to surrender a piece of video taken on a very early compact Digital camera. (Because of this fear,, the company did not work as I could not teach others if I feared leaving my home)
Overkill was all I could see, my life was from that day was a torturous image of everything I had lived till that day, as I became fearful that the police could as they had proven Arrest me at any time on any farcical whim of any prejudiced officer, MY LIFE WAS A MESS AND GETTING WORSE BY THE DAY.
My next few months were a massive blur of trying anti-depressants and feeling first-hand the fear and panic when they are not the ones you NEED, I was sent into a world of fear and many days I woke to look for a reason to still be breathing when the sun finally went down that same day.
I was in a dark place and one that I am sure that many people have visited yet too many of my community were brought to this place by the prejudices and mistreatment of others especially so if the person doing the Hate crime is one who wears the UNIFORM of a protector, this made the whole idea of if you are in trouble CALL THE POLICE ,, the last thing I would do, as if I allowed them to question me they were going to arrest me and repeat my past engagements with the hateful side of the POWER OF THE POLICE.
I worked hard to develop coping mechanisms which included going to Seacombe before the sunrise with a flask of coffee as I was living on about 2-3 hours’ sleep a day which I now know is a massive sign that I was Depressed, I began to take my camera with me and this became my therapy for my problems,
I would now go down to make sure that THE SUN CAME UP as I did not at that time have the faith in my own life to allow this to continue, without my keeping a close eye on it so I took around 600 -1000 digital pics of the sunrise on the days I went down which was very often,, So I will claim to have taken a SHITLOAD of pictures of Liverpool and even with the way that these make me feel these days as I have many good memories of standing in sub-zero temperatures taking some fantastic time lined images of how Liverpool was in 2009-2011, while I did this I taught myself to control my sleep pattern and to make regular trips to places where I could attempt to repair my Life.
Agoraphobia is a painful problem and I used NLP, Music and Holistic therapy to combat my fears, to this day I am still broken but I function well and can control the fear enough to be a Driver Trainer with a history of mistreatment and an evolving future as my faith comes back I can feel my Confidence returning and with this I draw on the Good times and the Bad times to Educate the people who are starting their career in Logistics as an LGV Driver, I hope they will see that the way I have been treated in the past was wrong and needs to be corrected to allow this industry to welcome a workforce in from all parts of the LGBTI community, with the Driver shortage increasing daily in the UK and there are efforts to fill this void, however WHY are companies STILL not realising that there is a massive available workforce within the LGBTI community that has not yet been Tapped ,,
IF YOU START looking for your staff in new place, Newsletters and forums for LGBTI as well as seeking ads in what is referred to as Lady’s magazines including the Avon catalogue, you might find that if we can evolve as an industry and equalise the gender gap we might not be in the quagmire that we are heading for in that thousands and even tens of thousands of jobs are in desperate need of someone willing to work in this trade, especially when the people who run some of these companies do not want to engage with any part of the Gay, Lesbian or Trans community’s for fear that WHAT ???
My only requirement in life is a regular flow of work, to pay the bills and keep the house I bought and have spent many hours turning it slowly PINK,,, (This is one of my coping mechanisms as if I surround myself with the colour that many people insisted I was not allowed to like while I was in my Teens, IT CALMS ME DOWN and helps me focus and would you believe it took me many years of pain to live in a house that is reflecting ME!!)
I have concentrated my life on correcting the issues that make me fear for my own life, while bearing witness to the way that my Global community’s live in the Pain and Anguish that can only be felt when you strip away the protections that allow people to enter TRANSITION or to declare their Non-Binary status or even to come out of the closet the expressions are endless but the strength it takes to do this is immense and when others see it done in the public eye such as the wonderful Paris Lees, Ayla Holdom to name just 2 of my many friends who I admire and support in most of their projects as they bring a strength to the journey that allows it to be real, and with their open support for the Amazing Mermaids (Trans Youth support) they are sending the message of HOPE to a generation that because of social media are so much more aware of SELF !!!
The positive and empowering message that is being passed on it that we are all one,, who we are inside is more important that the body parts we have attached to our bodies when we are born, Birth Gender and your True Gender do not always agree with societal norms so they have to be challenged and supported to evolve at all forks in the road that we travel.
Imagine the past when family’s shunned their own kin because they loved the person who the parents had issues with to the present day when this still goes on but if you have to declare that you are conforming your gender to suit your TRUE gender, many families implode with this news and so Trans people hide often in plain sight,, and many family’s grieve for a lost one that is not really gone,,
THEY are still there but they are looking, sounding, and behaving differently and so it is time to make the situation harder by making this individual an outcast from the family withdrawing our love and forcing them to deal with this event with no support and an unhealthy chunk of self-loathing as why else would our family’s reject us in this manner unless it was our fault, (this is what it feels like)
I am 12 years old today and I got my Dad back in my life last year, but there are still family and friends who cannot forgive me for wanting to be happi with my life, to this I have one message,,,
I am ME, I am Happi so get over yourself!
I am proud of my Trans History even though I have had a very difficult journey compared to those in my community who are Beautiful and look amazing while I decided to add some weight to myself in an attempt to hide the size of my upper body, my regret is I like what I see except that of my belly so I have targeted this area as something to correct as well as the STIGMA that follows me from my run in with Industrial Tribunals and Police prejudices,
I have to wake up and decide that I will make it out today or just choose to hide in my safe place, either way I am doing well, I still have some overlapping factors from my previous existence that would be dealt with if I had the sort of money that can make a massive difference to a Trans person similar to me (To help me pass better I would consider having more work done,, but not too much)
I sit back and reflect on my community as it was all going so well then we were hit with a massive orange plague on our existence that we have had to call PRESIDENT Trump of the United states of OMG what happened to the last guy HE WAS AMAZING,,,, as he passed us protections in his country that other countries also passed as promoting inclusion of the Trans community in an attempt to calm the flow of suicide that we suffer or hate crimes inflicted on us by hateful disgusting and sometimes legal groups.
These protections made it legal to serve and be open in the Military which was a massive boost to all serving Trans soldiers as I was not allowed to be open while serving in the British Army, a fact that has been corrected by the many amazing UK Veterans who are Living in the Gender of their lifestyles and continuing to be an active member of UK based military,, (Thank you Captain Hannah, Captain Amy and of course Caroline Paige without you the forces would still be losing amazing staff due to Gender Dysphoria)
The hateful way that the Orange plague has stripped all the protections from the serving members of the US Military that were gained under The Obama Administration is about to make over 13,000 Trans service people jobless because you are uncomfortable grabbing the pussy of a lady only to learn that what you grabbed was man made,,,
Your Hateful languages has set a trend that has found its way to the UK and other countries as you all think that LGB or T is a choice which I assure you it is NOT,, We have the option of Transition or implode into a complete wreck, that is scared to interact with the general public,,
THE Rise of the hateful group known as TERFs is proof that there are MAGA hat wearers that live in the UK while we still have to go to Transgender Day of Remembrance on the 20th Nov annually which is where we remember the many people who have been murdered or lost to us by their own hand which I am sorry to say is rising yearly.
I have been an organiser or speaker at many of these events giving my experience of HATE Crimes from someone who was beat unconscious and left for dead in Liverpool after a night out,(Pink Past and Present Video) speaking from the angle of the Victim was easy while I was low and Depressed however this speech has evolved to become one of Strength as well as the Mantra NEVER AGAIN.
I now speak of picking yourself up, getting an education and getting into a job where you are allowed to just LIVE your LIFE unimpeded and without the vile comments that can often be directed towards me, or others who identify as Transgender, I stand up for any person that I feel is being spoken to or treated in a manner that I deem to be wrong, I confront others who mis-gender me with questions or comments that I hope will make them think about how they interact with my community.
I cannot correct a person’s opinion of the Trans community but I will try very hard to prevent them from using hate speech to be-little me or to make me feel less than I am, you will not win,
“I HAVE BEEN CALLED WORSE, BY BETTER” SO JOG ON!
My strength comes from the support from my Family, and my Extended Social media family who are all amazing,, they push me and support me which is how I move forward, as I know that my Trade is one of the last bastion of prejudices against all things LGBTI so my presence is not just required but I feel is essential to make this industry stand up and take notice that allowing for Gender Normalisation would fill many of the vacant driver posts that we have and would make a large difference to the numbers of unemployed women and LGBTI, all you have to do is support Equality and inclusion as well as to place us in roles where we can make a massive difference such as those I have mentioned as well as people similar to Megan Key who has worked to enlighten the CPS and the treatment of LGBTI within the justice system in the UK.
In summary,, has the UK changed for Trans since I transitioned in 2007
YES, YES, With a little added YES,,,
However not all the changes stuck and many were problematic to mention the GRC is one amazing act that was celebrated to begin,, (With MY Gender Recognition Certificate I changed my Birth Certificate to Female) which has since been attacked for the ludicrous way it makes a trans person get a divorce in order to wed in the name and gender that you hold now,, this will be remedied when we can self-declare our gender as well as equal marriage, (Scotland is working much faster than us in the UK)
The Trans community has a voice and it also has its own haters, (Germaine Greer, Barry Humphries, Rue Paul and The Grand tour pleb like Jeremy Clarkson) which considering 2 of these have made a lot of money from dressing in clothes non related to the pluming they hold on their bodies and the others are just idiots in my own opinion,
Trans people are organising into clans, groups and activists in order to beat back the sorrowful wave of hate that allowing these people and others similar to voice an uninformed and often hurtful generalisation the damage is increasing and with that the Hurt and exclusion that many of my community have to suffer on daily basis.
My fear is that of increased suicide or stories of attacks on us that lead to life altering injuries (remember mental damage is NOT visible at first glance), so I ask you all to work with the friends and colleagues that Identify within the LGBTI or even the Gender Spectrum, A healthy UK workforce would be the outcome with or without the stupid addition of Leaving the EU,, Brexit is a Joke and similar to the Election of the Orange Idiot in the USA, we have as many problems un the UK,, Chechnya, UAE and other countries that allow Diversity to be an all-MALE and Rarely LGBTI representation to a subject that we live on a daily basis,,,
INCLUDE, EMPOWER AND ENFORCE Protections
that will reduce the numbers of lives we lose for something that defines as Self-image, Stand with your Friends,, Stand in front of anyone being Bullied, Protect the ones who need your help and become the person that you would be proud to call a friend,
LET’S RE-INVENT LOVE THAT INCLUDES US ALL.
More LGBTI managers and role models are needed in positions that will benefit the new workforce as well as bringing the older workforce in line with required legislation so I leave you with a few requests, Support Mermaids , Transmilitary as well as other projects or groups that help the Trans community to raise the awareness of others and lead the fight to a better world where Boy and Girl are all inclusive as well as paid the same and treated equally by others.
The links on this site lead to my social media,,,
SO CLICK “LIKE” AND FOLLOW ME Please